From Bride and Groom to Wife and Husband
I tied the knot 18 years ago in August. At the time, I was happy to have located a nice, smart husband, since just before him, I had dated a cast of characters worthy of Grimm’s fairy tales, with the emphasis on grim.
Playing into my anxiety at the time was a Harvard-Yale study published by Time, Inc. which concluded that for a college-educated woman over 30, the chances of ever finding a husband were as good as being shot.
Despite the scary news, I was determined to settle down and finally listened to my mother’s advice and look for someone who was ‘husband material’ — meaning a nice, stable man who had a career and a normal work week — instead of a lothario who looked good in a leather motorcycle jacket.
I decided to go to places that nice men went and chose the World Affairs Council in Philadelphia. There I met my kind and well-educated husband at a lecture by an ambassador from a small country. I wore a subdued dress and a pair of very high heels.
We dated, moved in together, bought a dog and I shopped for a wedding dress which looked like the poufy bride at the top of a tiered cake. The wedding was lovely and duly captured in a large white leather-bound album with our names glittering on the cover.
Occasionally, I leaf through the album to re-live a day that now seems to be part of someone else’s life. Who is that thin woman in that big white dress? Who is the man with the full head of dark hair standing next to her? I examine pictures of my husband and myself, and the hundred or so family and friends who celebrated with us that day, all of whom who look remarkably young, even the older ones.
Now, 18 years later, I realize: Dating is about filet mignon, champagne and good lighting. But marriage is about meat and potatoes: family, money, health, work, and why it’s always me who gets up at 3 am when one of the dogs throws up.
It’s about celebrating the fact that you and your former "date" now have been able to make the transition to answer questions like: Have kids or not?, Where will we get the money for that?, What? See them, again?, and survive the tornados that turn life into a whirling vortex.
But then, everything settles down.
Then, the weekend comes.
And because you really like your mate, besides loving him, you can sit together in the same room, all of Saturday and all of Sunday, watching endless bad movies, eating lots of bad-fun food, saying very little and enjoying it.
This is marriage and, at this rate, it can last a lifetime.