What Would Happen If I Turned Everything Inside Out?
I have five children in all, a boy and four girls. Three of my daughters are between the ages of 12 and 17. Need I say more? When they are not fighting with each other, their attention seems to turn to me and inevitably they are upset with something I did, am about to do or am thinking about doing. Did I mention they are mind readers? Like many moms, I often wonder how I will survive this phase of my life.
I don’t believe in corporal punishment, but it’s not much better when I say things like, “Well then maybe I’ll leave and you can find a new mom.” It tends to shock them for a moment but will most likely lead to a long string of therapy bills in my future. My one and only pearl of wisdom, if you really want an effective punishment, is to take away their computers and/or cell phones. They are lifelines that will ruin any teenage girl’s life.
But that doesn’t solve my problem of feeling like the world’s worst mom, like I’ve failed in the most important job of my life. Truly, it often brings me to tears at the dinner table when I just let them yell as I sit there feeling defeated not having the energy to argue anymore. They are so polite, kind and respectful to every other adult that they encounter that it’s mind-boggling to me. How did I raise them to be one way outside the house and another on the inside?
If you met them, you would think that they are wonderful, and they are. You see, it’s not about them. It’s about me. On the outside, I’m a strong, confident, and decisive woman who gives the impression that she can do it all. On the inside, I’m a vulnerable, powerless mom who wants to be loved and respected. So maybe it’s time to take that guard wall down and ask myself what would happened if I turned everything inside out?